Engelli Çocuğa Sahip Annelerde Yas Süreci
Grief Process of Mothers of Children with Intellectual Disabilities

Summary/Abstract: Loss is an inevitable part of life and grief is a natural part of the healing process. In this sense, the grieving process is universal. People commonly associate certain losses with strong feelings of grief. Although the concept of grief is a direct reminder of death, grief and loss can happen in different ways – death, divorce, deployment or other situations of abandonment. Different effects can influence how people understand and approach the grief process such as importance and place of the loss in life, cultural background, belief systems, etc. Having mentally retarded child is also a shocking and unexpected situation for parents who are dreaming about a healthy baby. Parents can experience grief at this process. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one, losses of dreams or unexpected disability situations. In this article, grief reactions of mothers who learns that she has a mentally retarded child during birth was investigated. It was determined that the five stages of grief proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are experienced by mothers. Also it was observed that, mothers need grief counseling in this process.SUMMARY: Loss is an inevitable part of life and grief is a natural part of the healing process. In this sense, the grieving process is universal. People commonly associate certain losses with strong feelings of grief. Although the concept of grief is a direct reminder of death, grief and loss can happen in different ways – death, divorce, deployment or other situations of abandonment. Different effects can influence how people understand and approach the grief process such as importance and place of the loss in life, cultural background, belief systems, etc. Having a disabled child is also a shocking and unexpected situation for parents who are dreaming about a healthy baby. Parents can experience grief at this process. Recent research has indicated that parents of children with special needs may experience feelings and symptoms of traumatic stress, particularly at the time of their child’s diagnosis. Letting go of the hopes and dreams they originally had, and which no longer serve them, is an exceptionally complicated and complex process. These feelings of grief and loss are often experienced but rarely spoken about or shared. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one, losses of dreams or unexpected disability situations. Unexpected life events can have traumatic effects on the routine of life. It is important to determine the stages of grief reactions for the adoption of the correct approaches. For this purpose, in this article, grief reactions of mothers who learns that she has a mentally retarded child during birth was investigated. Therefore, semi-structured and open ended interviews were conducted with twenty mothers with disabled child, living in Ankara. Systematic analysis of data reveal that mothers with disabled child experiencing grief reactions. It was determined that the five stages of grief proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are experienced by mothers. Those stages are not a linear and predictable progression but generally mothers reported that they firstly feel shocked and denial. At this stage, mothers believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken or it was a nightmare that will end soon. When mothers recognize that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, Anger stage is characterized by those sentences: Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?". Bargaining is the third stage. The third stage involves the hope that the mother can avoid a cause of grief. Mothers seek for rational or irrational remedies with the hope of changing the result. Depression is the stage which involves the mothers experiencing sadness when they know there is nothing else to be done, and they realize they cannot change the disability. Sadness and hopelessness are important parts of the depression stage. In this state, mother feel herself really alone in life, may become silent, refuse attending social activities and spend much of the time mournful. The last stage of grief is acceptance. This does not necessarily mean that mother will be completely happy again. In this last stage, mothers accept the reality of disability. “Let us see in front of us, if this is the situation, what can I do best for me and my child?” Every parent is different, and grief is a uniquely individual process. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience grief; however, mothers need to have the space to fully experience and express all of these important feelings. So it was observed that, mothers need grief counseling in this process. Mothers of children with disabilities are in need of support and care at every stage. This requirement includes those steps:1. Mothers often need help in understanding their child’s disability. Especially at the first explaining the reality of disability, providing professional health care with a humanitarian approach is extremely effective on the mother's grief reactions.2. Mother of a disabled child needs support from family members. Family members should be educated about the grieving process and need for support of mother.3. For a healthy grieving, mothers need psychological counseling support to overcome the loss by professional grief counselors at this process. A professional grief counseling system is a necessity for the mothers of disabled children.

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